these are thoughts i am thinking and have been thinking

i should sleep but i want to write these real quicklike.

i have two me's. one is the awake me, the other is the dream me. they both love being, and don't like to give up their time for the other. despite being tired a lot, i find it hard to nap, hard to go to bed, because awake me wants to keep doing stuff. even if he finds it mundane and pointless. dream me doesn't like wavering into wakefullness, but he has the disadvantage of awake me being very alert while sleeping, and alarms that signal the end of his time.

neue Thema...I am lonely. god dammit, lonely again. last year was MY year and it was glorious. and it has faded. i have been for a bit, but it didn't really solidify in my mind till tonight, sitting in my room i thought "this is where i am, so much of the time. just me and my distractions. i am lonely." none of those thoughts were in words, none but the last one. i don't know how to deal with it. i have friends, i see them, i enjoy being with them. yet i'm lonely.

unless everyone else has blogs like this, probably no one will know about this except Haley, whose blog-thing i commented on, thus providing her a link to me. but considering this uses all my old catchphrases, like Tigaj, Ra'jic, und so weiter, i could still potentially be found. by my friends, by my family. as such i think i will leave my deeper thoughts to myself, or my handwritten journals. shit, maybe i'll play with this more tomorrow and make this private. sure i'd like to have some big thing for people to read and feed my ego and have my thoughts known, but really what i want is a damn place to type that feels like my own. i will still handwrite stuff, but typing is SO much faster and more convenient.

i must relinquish my hold and allow dream tyler to step in. Night, Future-Me. (night, you say waving)