how do i say this...

i had a thought i'm having trouble putting into accurate words. my initial thoughts are to say "all my relationships are inherently flawed" or "i'm in love with all my best friends." both of which are true, but only a bit. they're too broad and don't cover the nuances from friendship to friendship.

the point i want to get across, however, is that many of close friendships do seem flawed. for the most part i have an excess of feelings for said friends, and i'm really just getting close to them, hoping to someday, through my humor or laughter or something less nameable, inspire something similar to the intense feelings these friends inspired in me the moment i layed eyes on them.

is this a fruitless venture? if you fall in love with someone before you even know their name and they don't notice you, will you ever be able to do something that causes them to have a moment where their mind is silenced and all they can do is stare at you in awe? it's possible, though unlikely. but i suppose most of my life is spent chasing possibility, no matter how terrible the odds.

i want to elaborate on this more, but i suppose i've gotten the basic point down, and i really think i should take a nap.